Into the depths of our Underworld

I awoke today with a fire burning from inside. A stoic flame artfully cultivated from the depths of my womb emerged from the underworld, the darkness illuminated. Blood coursed through my warm veins as the eruption rose through my central line to my heart. Racing, pulse heightened by the rouse of terror from my shadow self, I began to roar, moving ethereal energy eloquently through flesh and bone. Grief, anger, rage, sadness explode as tears moisten rose-stricken cheeks. Stories arrive of shame, shame for feeling what’s here, what’s been, what’s to come. My moon time has arrived with a vengeance, a great river of mourning sweeps my insides with a fell swoop, a universal release. Thank you, I whisper, between internal fits of seething agony.

Why do we suppress ourselves?

Why do we turn away from passionate emotions?

Why can’t we witness and stay?

Why do we teach our young to step over FEELing?

Why are we so uncomfortable?

I’m ReHumanizing. I’m UN-learning the deep patterned conditioning that told me it’s not polite to discuss my cycle, or scream when I’m in pain, or swear when I’m angry, to pretend I’m okay when I’m not, to say YES when I want to say NO; to operate in this wild world out of alignment. BoundaryLESS.

I’m here in this human form, I signed up for this incarnation. I chose this journey, I plan to take the fucking curriculum. In the past, I have bypassed my human experience in hopes for spiritual development. I admit it’s fucking beautiful, to have tuned into source, to know that’s where I’m going when my time arrives to transition. I’m grateful for this knowing, for moments I’ve been graced by GODdess. However, I made the mistake previously of bypassing my shadow, turning away from the darkness in exchange for perceived light. This is not evolution, it’s not spiritual enlightenment either, it’s a lie. You know we can truly convince ourselves anything is true. We are capable of believing our own stories, so how can you tell what’s the truth? You can smell it, you can tell when something is off. You can tell when you’re out of alignment if you just stop, tune into your BEing, and pause.

Until we are able to hold ALL of our experience, we are not ascending anywhere. We are pretending… Until we can hold our trauma, and allow it to organically transmute, we are stepping over parts of ourselves to attach to the ones we feel most comfortable viewing. It's like changing channels on your tv, passing the parts of this course you don't want to take. We then, treat those beings around us, in the same vein. We have all been guilty of attempting to “fix” others, to hand out our prescribed medicine. What we need is to be SEEN, to be HELD, to be ALLOWED to simply BE who the fuck we are. We will change when we are ready. Maybe it won’t happen this time around, don’t worry, we have many more incarnations to work off our karmic debts, they don’t just absolve on their own.

All we can ultimately do is work on ourselves, work on accepting all parts of ourselves, which means the darkest and most horrific parts we all like to pretend aren’t there, need to be woven into our fabric too. When we collect these selves; these parts, gather them in our unfolding, we can then hold a clear mirror for the other to see themselves. This is what it looks like to evolve. To create a safe space for another to unveil in our presence. This is the truth, this is trust, this is healing. Everything else we think we are doing is an ego trip that makes us feel like we are more powerful than our brothers and sisters. And let's face it, this whole dance is a power game. An illusion that makes us think we’re somehow above it all. If this is triggering, good, I hope it rattles your cage. We need to take responsibility for ourselves. We need to want to get free. To unchain ourselves from the patriarchal cage we have been cast into for many generations. To unsubscribe to the new age spiritual dogma that feeds bypass. We have the power to change. We have the power to get free. It begins by tracking our trauma, by witnessing the parts of us that we disown. We can’t bathe in the light if we don’t walk the edges of our shadow. Let's get to work.